Fake Busy and Xmas

Yeah, it always seem like I have all sorts of stuff to DO, but why do I feel like I'm not actually getting anything DONE?

I explained the feeling recently to a friend, it's like I'm going through the motions, but without really being involved.

And of all the things I could worry about, the one thing that's been making me feel bad is Christmas gifts... Those who know me know I like giving gifts, but I enjoy receiving them too. This year, I won't be receiving one from a Loved One. I know my family and parents will give like they always do, but it isn't like those one or two special gifts/splurges from a spouse that was thought over, decided on, just for me. The kind of gift you exchange between only the two of you. I realize there are many people who don't have this either, but in 16 years, it is what I have gotten used to. It's hard to let go of that tradition and feeling.

I may have to go and buy something for myself, something I've been wanting, but how meaningful is that? It's not ever about the gift itself, is it? It's the knowledge that someone took the time to think about you and what you would like to receive, and went out of their way to find it, wrap it, and create that gift-giving moment that is important to you.