Tuesday, September 22, 2009

New Normal

Things are so different now. I felt it this weekend. The change was actually palpable.

I don't like it because I'm the only one affected. It made me feel quite alone, having to watch my words and actions, holding back, keeping my distance, pretending I didn't care. Faking nonchalance is so tiring.

Am I the only one who doesn't have a poker face? Or am I hyper sensitive much?

Got hit by bricks again the other night; had to cry it out at the worst possible time. It's been some time since it last happened but the dull ache of the constant, gaping hole in my soul is such a familiar feeling, it becomes easier each day to manage the sudden bursts of anger at the entire world and all the people who've hurt me. The insecurities are piling up and really making headway into my psyche.

This is my new normal.

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