Thursday, September 23, 2010


Vitriol Alert!

I think this is the end for someone who has been in and out of my life for years. We yelled over the phone two days ago and I haven't heard a peep since. I don't think I will be missed. Strike One.

I was supposed to meet a friend tonight, but major flake. I guess getting drunk with OTHER friends is more important. Strike Two.

And finally, I have to accept the fact that another person has judged me, thought less than more, and walked away without a backward glance. What a fraud. Strike Three.

It's so sad that people are continuously disappointing me, to the point that I am considering just retreating and giving up on them! If I don't do this, I will not be able to preserve my idealism/joy/hope/wonder.

I do not want to be a cynic, or cynical. I want to be who I was when I was younger -- naive, unspoilt, invincible. To preserve my happy self, I have to make sacrifices that may hurt in the beginning. But my hope is that over time, less people will have the power to bring me down.

It's true what they say that when you allow people into your life, you also give them the power to hurt you. No more. The walls are back up.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Unresolved Anger

Someone needs to teach me how to let go of residual negative feelings.

To Blockhead: You got past my walls, you sneaky bastard. I'll give you that. Now you have to give me back the time I wasted on you. And the energy I spent second-guessing myself.

To Peter Pan: I tried to understand you. I made excuses for you. I let you get away with murder. Thank god I don't care about you anymore, I'm just pissed off that a I got taken for a ride by a douchebag (which is your new name on my phone now, btw).

To Playa: Fine, you don't sleep around, but you sure flirted around. Emotional promiscuity is still a non-negotiable. BOO.

To Eternal John: If you STILL don't know how I fit into your life, then forget it. I don't want you. I don't want your scared, little mind to force itself to be brave. You may have money, but how does that make you any happier? You are poor in joy.

To Marshmallow: I don't need another child in my life. Please act your age. But you are hot, and your gentle nature is luring me in... Will you be responsible enough to nurture a mature relationship? I have my doubts.

To C: I still can't believe you left me to these assholes. Wherever you are, I know you are laughing at my predicament. Is this cosmic justice? Is this a test? Are you missing me at all??