Friday, May 29, 2009


Back to the pros, and had to accept the diagnosis. Sad.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

How Could You Be So Heartless?

Something inside me was broken, by a person who should have had no power over me. After everything I've been through, I was undone by someone who was no one and nobody to me. Someone who should have stayed far, far away, and continued to be neither friend nor enemy.

I have felt heartbreak like most people have never felt and I survived intact. INTACT! How embarrassing to be laid low like this, by this. I'm angry at myself for allowing myself to believe. To be fooled, perhaps? To be lead down a path, only to be suddenly abandoned?

This is me. Vulnerable. Played. Undone.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Train Wreck

She saw it coming, a mile away from where she stood, a shiny, new train on a collision course with disaster. It was the shrill sound of screeching metal that first made her look to the west.

She stood immobile. Fascinated by the exhilarating speed of a train that lost it's power to stop. She glanced down the track and saw the parked train at the station. Bells shrieked, people were yelling.

That moment before impact was like a pause - the force of the moment sucked in sound, then spewed it out as the world exploded with a force that rocked her body from paralysis. She stumbled backward and stepped on the flowers she had just replanted this morning. A split-second thought crossed her mind, "Oh, what a waste."

She regained her balance with a shaky breath and looked towards the smoke and fire. How does something like this happen? Why couldn't the driver stop? Why did she have to be witness?

She turned away and wished she was anywhere else but here.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009


Movies don't make me cry, but sometimes a good tearjerker comes along and I bawl like a real chick. I cried way too much than normal tonight while watching a dvd movie of a book I had already read. But I forgot how the story ended so the tragic ending blindsided me and took me back, in a very bittersweet way. Enough with the all-too-real love stories.

Here's looking forward to Transformers 2, Terminator Salvation and another screening of Star Trek. Live long and prosper!

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Time for Change

Today, I feel the burden of responsibility very heavily. Coming home and facing all the problems you left behind is quite a feeling.

I know the my status quo is temporary, but I've been on pause for too long. Something has to change, but I can't put a finger to it... What a mess, to not even know what you want!

I thought that visiting with sis and being away for a while would give me time to think, but the trip turned into a denial fest full of fun. Fantasy lures with her siren song.

For those who know that I only write when I'm bothered, take this as a tipping point... I woke up with a start this morning, with a thought of startling clarity -- There is something fundamentally wrong with the way I'm living my life.

I don't want to skim through life, settling all along the way. I don't want to be guided by desires, laziness, rebellion, anger and regret. I need to be able to find true passion, integrity and focus in my daily life. I need this to happen for me, because for far too long, I've been dependent on the trivial. I've lost sight.

Maybe it's time for me to start praying again.