Tuesday, January 27, 2009

self-indulgent misery

Welcome the year of the ox.

I see the year ahead and all it demands of me and I'm completely and totally overwhelmed. At this very moment, I have no faith and I wish I had the luxury of having someone to love who could hold me up, right now, tonight, when all I have for company is my snoring kids and a glass of my favorite poison.

Self-pity is indulgent, but considering I have nothing else to indulge in, I will allow myself this one night of absolute misery and loneliness. I think I deserve it. Cheers.

Saturday, January 24, 2009


I did it again.

Stupid, stupid girl who never learns her lesson.

I'm better than this.

Where is a kick in the ass when I need one?

Time to unleash my arsenal of coping mechanisms.

Let's hope I don't gain five pounds in five days.

Instead, I wish to emerge from this with clarity and strength of will.

I miss my old life, my old problems, and my old way of thinking.

This new sh*t is so much tougher.

Friday, January 23, 2009

Too Much Danielle Steel

Before MIL left for LA in December, she sent me old books from Langka to dispose of/sell/give away... Of course I haven't done that yet, instead, I've begun reading through them all. No Greater Love, Silent Honor, Mixed Blessings, Lightning, Echoes, Wanderlust...

How do you know when you've been reading too many romance novels? You start believing in happy endings (the g-rated kind). Or at least, you begin adjusting your idea of a happy ending closer to "unreal" territory.

There is nothing I dislike more than books/movies/stories that end on a vague note. I'm the type of person who needs to KNOW. Sad or happy, I need to know. In fact, the ending doesn't even have to be happy. I just need some form of conclusion.

Danielle Steel is a very good "concluder". She is the mistress of tidy endings. If only she were real... I could rest assured that the messier and dramatic any situation is, the tidier and happier the ending will be.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

The Filipino Network

So... the first official Goat Meeting took over four hours, with Dr. L, accomplished veterinarian, immunologist, teacher, San Miguel consultant, former scholar of Lolo Gil, former head vet for the Puyat farms and fraternity brother of my Dad, taking the lead.

We didn't just talk about goats. We talked about hogs, chickens, rotation planting, San Miguel feeds, cooperatives, livelihood programs, fake vet meds (45%!!), the history of the Puyat family as farmers and growers, agri-inventions, organic food, mango farms and all sorts of things that entertained me so much I forgot I was burning with a fever. What a fantastic resource person Dr. L is.

A second Goat Meeting was unwittingly convened today at Chili's over a pitcher or two of margaritas. I met up with friends for drinks and as we proceeded to catch up, I mentioned my goat ideas. J turned to me and said "M, we have a goat farm in Quezon! Same imported breed plus hybrids, and too many already for our livelihood program. Let's go, bring the kids and spend a weekend!" We spent the next thirty minutes talking goat.

Another coincidence tonight... My Indian friend V and I figured out that we both worked for Batesville Caskets at the same time. Me as GM of the local distributor, and he as a supplier of parts to the Indiana company. In other words, he was manufacturing parts in Manila and sending them to Indiana, then the fully assembled caskets were being sent back for me to sell. He says, why doesn't Loyola have their own brand? I'll produce for you. We talked caskets while the rest kept drinking.

The fourth person in the group was T, and as we were leaving, he heard me mention laser tag at Market Market for Maxi's birthday celebration. "Hey, I know the owners! You need a discount? Sure, I'll ask."

Don't you just love how everyone is connected?

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Year of the... Goat??

I know this will sound weird, but I just wanted to blog this in case it became something important.

You all have heard me talking about growing my natural chickens at the mango farm, but two key people have convinced me to look into goats! What, me, a goat herder??

Anyway, will explain another time but I do have my first official Goat Meeting on Monday. Maybe goats are what I need to forget about Dogs... or at least to reorder my priorities !

Sunday, January 4, 2009


I've been working on my post for the new year, but can't seem to pin anything down... I do not really know what I resolve to do for 2009.

Checked my horoscopes for Tigers in the Year of the Ox, and it says management of my personal finances will take precedence. Then issues about my career (changes!), and finally, a renewed social life. Sounds pretty accurate if you like to believe in stuff like this, but I think these 'predictions' can apply to anyone.

It was while chatting with a co-depressive that we figured out the one thing we both need for 2009 -- courage. Throw fears and anxiety out the window. Be brave.

So I may not know what I want this year, but whatever it turns out to be, I resolve to go after it with a lot more courage.