Today was another one of Those Days.
I just noticed that I'm doing That Thing again, that jaw-clenching thing I do without realizing it. And I was so cranky this weekend. So many things I hate about my self/my life now.
Been having the urge to "redecorate" the apartment, to scrub the walls, floors and drawers clean, to purge my little home of all the things that irritate me. For example, I hate my kitchen floor. It's old and it always looks so dirty. I want to throw away my black couch, which is too small anyway, because reupholstering it to fix the hole the kids ripped into it will probably cost too much anyway. So let's all just sit on the floor. I want to get rid of my living room curtains. It reminds me of trying to save money and ending up with curtains that are too short and not very well made. I hate my lighting fixture over the dining room table, with its chip on the third glass and yucky black electrical cord. I want return to mom the red fire painting that still peels even after it was restored. The old Persian carpet with its tattered ends goes too. I want to repaint the dreary walls; the color is no longer neutral, it's just plain sad. And I don't know what to do with that big wooden desk. Sure, it is still used for "work", but it is such a reminder of how things used to be.
I'm not even going to start with the cramped kitchen, the more-cramped maids room and the kids room and the mess there...
So if I throw everything out, will I be less cranky with an empty but clean home? I'd rather have nothing than things that need to be fixed or repaired in some way. They are all daily reminders that I just don't have the time and money to redo the place. Might as well purge and start from scratch, right?